The One in Which I Return

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Well, y’all.

I’m back.

This semester has definitely been the hardest so far, academically.  I have been so overwhelmed that anytime I’ve wanted to blog, I’ve remembered something else that I needed to do for class.  Today, I have stuff to do, but I’m ignoring it cause I’ve missed y’all. 😉

Tonight, I will be doing the Word from the Word at Chapel tonight. This is where someone picks a verse that has a direct application for their life.  A lot of the time they are comforting verses that apply to us as college student.

This morning, I’ve been looking, trying to decide what verse I wanted to use. I looked up Ecclesiastes 3 because I have had that recited to me so many times over the years when things were happening that I didn’t like–“There’s a time for all things!”

Today, I kept reading though. And I found a verse that speaks to me so much in the midst of the chaos of being a double-major sophomore that wants to be involved in everything.


Ecclesiastes 3:9-13: “But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I’ve had a good look at what God has given us to do–busywork, mostly.   True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time–but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he’s coming or going.  I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life.  That’s it–eat, drink, and make the most of your job.  It’s God’s gift.”


Y’all, I’m not even gonna lie.

I’ve been struggling.

I have friends and family who talk about God being so present and visible in their lives, and I’ve felt a little abandoned.

But something in this verse makes it all okay.

The fact that I’m not supposed to know what comes next.

I’m supposed to feel in the dark.

I’m supposed to go day by day, just eating, drinking, and making the most of my job.

That brings me much relief.

I’m the kind of person that craves knowledge. I always want to know what is going to come next.

But this is saying that it’s okay that I don’t know what’s coming next.

Grace.

–aub–

‘Lobby’ing for Change

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Hey y’all, sorry it’s been a while, but you know there is nothing like a controversy to get me back into the swing of things.

A few hours ago, Supreme Court ruled that Hobby Lobby, a well-known Christian company, can refuse to offer their female employees healthcare-covered birth control for “religious reasons.”

Y’all.

Since I have a condition that causes severe pain that can only be relieved by taking birth control, this really hit home.

I am extremely thankful that my insurance covers it.

I don’t know about you, but I really think that God wants me healthy.

I don’t think Hobby Lobby realizes that women don’t take birth control so they can live in “debasing sin”, quite a few of us take it so that we can participate in everyday life without being in constant pain.

So many people I know are rejoicing this decision, and others are mourning it.

Forgive me, but I don’t think a corporation, largely composed of men, should be able to decide whether I can affordably get the medicine I need.

One of my favorite authors, Jackson Pearce, tweeted this amidst the fallout, “Wonder what people would think if instead of birth control, it was blood transfusions or cancer treatment denied for “religious reasons”?”…”Because really, what prevents someone from saying “I religiously opposed all medical treatments that are expensive” now?”

This is a dangerous precedent.

It is also a dangerous thorn in feminism’s side.

If we continue to allow and encourage men to make decisions about the bodies of women, we are disrespecting ourselves and our brains.

If one person is “religiously opposed” to birth control, then they don’t have to take it, that’s it. There is no need to deny others the healthcare they need because of one person’s beliefs.

I hope to live in a world one day where people’s beliefs are their own, and it is no longer commonplace to force them on others.

Sorry for the rant, but I can’t bear to see people denied things that they need.

–aub–

How Much Can Change In A Year

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Well.

One year ago today, I graduated from high school and began an entirely new journey.  

I must say, this year at Wesleyan has been of more worth to me than my three years of high school combined.

Today, one of my very favorite PKs graduated.

She has gone through many trials and tribulations this year, but she’s come out stronger and I couldn’t be prouder of her.

She’s only moving to Atlanta, so I can still stalk her. 🙂

 I have learned so much over the past year.

The biggest thing I have learned is that it’s okay to stand up for yourself.

Wesleyan encourages its students to be fully independent people who aren’t afraid to be good advocates for themselves.

With all the stuff I’ve been through and will go through, I think this is an important point to keep in mind.

I had to stand up for myself about a week ago.

I felt TERRIBLE.

I thought I was being mean, or vindictive, but Lyssavic assured me this person deserved it.

All the kept going through my head after I sent that text is this.

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Yes, I am the Harry Potter nerd I look to be.

I stood up for myself, and because of that, I learned that it doesn’t always end with people chewing you out telling you you suck, as it has so many times for me.

One year ago, I NEVER would have done anything like this. 

But because of the strong women I have been surrounded by since August, I have learned that I have worth and that it’s okay to be a good advocate for myself.

And that, Wesleyan, I can never thank you enough for.

–aub–

Oh and just for kicks, here’s the number one song from this time last year, just to keep with the theme. 🙂

Pirates Got That Power

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Once again, I should be writing a philosophy paper.

Oh whale.

This weekend was one of the coolest weekends ever. 

I did no homework whatsoever.

Friday night, much to the chagrin of my Mama, I got to sit on the couch and play iPad games with my brother.

That kid is growing up more and more every day and it terrifies me.

Saturday might’ve been my favorite part, though.

After working what seemed like the longestshiftever at the Shop with one of my favorite coworkers, I decided to make the trek up to Wesleyan.

See, it was Alumnae Weekend.

The coolest thing happens to Mama when she gets on this campus.

She becomes eighteen again.

It’s absolutely terrifying.

Her voice sounds weightless and she’s just happy

Anyway, I went and played soccer against the alums.

I’m not sure if it is a good or bad thing that no one scored. 😉

When it was over, I drove my car back to front campus, then texted Mama to see where she was.

When I joined her and the Scarf-Maker that could, also a mighty Powerful Pirate, I immediately knew that things were gonna get deep eventually.

I have this sixth sense where I can tell when Mama (or I) am about to “click” with somebody.

 

Boy, was I right.

 

After about an hour of talking about life, death, and everything in between, we moseyed over to the balcony overlooking the fountain.

After a minute, the Scarf-Maker said, “Auburn, come with me. Tara, stay here.”

And then, it happened.

A new tradition, one I will pass one to some very special people in the future, began.

She told me, “When I was here, there was a non-trad student, who was 70 years old. One day, we were walking, and I tried to open the door for her, but she wouldn’t let me. She grabbed the handle and pulled, saying “May this be the first of many door to open for you.”” 

Then, she opened the door for me, reiterating those same special words.

Y’all.

This was bigger than when Han Solo said to Luke Skywalker, “May the Force Be With You.”

Or when Effie Trinket told Peeta and Katniss, “May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor.”

I will treasure that moment always.

To have someone wish you well is one of the best feelings in the world.

To know that someone cares, wants you to succeed, in a world that doesn’t care and wishes you failure, is a gift of great magnitude. 

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So here’s to you, my friends.

May today be the first of many successful days to you.

And in the words of my friend Mac, “If someone ain’t told you they love you today, I do.”

–aub–

Another Sister Story

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So I should really be writing a philosophy paper right now.

(Sorry, Dr. M)

Instead, I need to write something that’s been on my mind this past weekend.

I will be writing about one of my sisters, as usual.

Only this time, she’s the biological one.

The Princess.

I’ll admit, I’ve been jealous of her on more than one occasion.

Y’all, the child is skinny, blonde, and gorgeous.

I honestly thought that she had this whole life thing made.

“What’s she got to feel bad about?” I thought.

 

Well, this weekend, I learned.

Yesterday it was hot as mess.

I, studying for a religion midterm, stayed in my pajama shorts all day, and didn’t put on shoes until I left my house.

The Princess, however, has an abundance of “friends” (I never know which one she’s friends with on what day) who come to our door on the daily.

On her way out the door, she put on her clunky tennis shoes. (Originally bought for me, but they fit her better, don’t ask)

Mama said, “Why don’t you wear flip flops?”

She replied, “My feet are embarrassing, and I don’t want my friends to see them.”
Wait, WHAT?!

The Princess has eczema on her hands and feet, but it’s not that bad.

Not bad enough for you to notice unless you lay on the ground and stare at her feet, which is weird.

 

Then, later on, she asked Mama if she could give herself and mani-pedi.

“I want to take the attention off of my “foot boo-boos””

 

It made me so sad.

This child, who is seemingly perfect, and acts like she’s got it all together, is self-conscious about her feet.

SHE’S NINE.

 

At nine, I was still pretty happy with my body and who I was.

Ten was a different story, but nine, I was cool with life.

It makes me sad to see my baby sister so scared of being made fun of for something we think is so silly.

But it’s real for her.

 

There is something SERIOUSLY wrong with our society that the nine-year-old can’t go outside for fear of being made fun of.

I wish I knew what to say to her to make it all better, but to this day, I still struggle with some of my demons–having curly hair, being curvy, and not wearing makeup everyday is socially unacceptable.

The only hope I can offer her (and Mama) is that Wesleyan changes things.

Yeah, initially she will want to fit in or hide in the “crowd” but eventually she will find people who encourage her “weirdness” to come out.

And it will be beautiful.

Pssst, Mama, only nine more years 😉

So today, tell a girl she’s beautiful, 9 or 89, because they are.

–aub–

My Southern Big

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Y’all, I am incredibly lucky.

I write a lot about my losses, and for that, I’m sort of sorry, but it’s a good way to work through it, and for that I’m not apologizing. 

However, despite the more-than-enough losses I have had, I have also had some terrific gains. 

That is something I’m definitely trying not to take advantage of.

I’ve got a friend who will fight for me like my Cap did.

The same friend cracks jokes like my daddy did.

I’ve got a friend with the same old soul and class as my great-grandmother.

And a myriad of others, who while can never take the place of those I’ve lost, sure help to patch my heart back together.

And then, there’s CSG. 

She will squeal with me over how adorable any number of country singers is, fawn over southern quotes on Pinterest, and give me really good, solid advice about life, boys, anything.

She embodies the spirit of the strong women in my family, and doesn’t let me get away with cutting the fool, either.

She is JUST like my grandmother, just younger. 

(Yes, Mama, I am definitely taken care of)

We have the most spontaneous, most fun times together. 

Last night, at oh, almost midnight, she picked up a scarf she had been crocheting (I swear, we are related) and wrapped it around her neck, and asked if it looked long enough.

I texted my mom right after she did that and said she is our family.

That’s the funny thing about Wesleyan, I have people who have become my family.

And it’s the kind of family where no matter how much time we hang out, it never seems like enough.

THAT’S why people go to Wesleyan people, no matter how shy or nervous or crazy you are, you’ve got people, your people.

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This is for my peeps, you know who you are. ❤

 

–aub–

 

Dreaming Dreams and Setting Goals

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I was watching a show today and they were talking about dreams.

How we set up this goal that is going to be “everything” and then when it comes, it becomes a landmark, and we move on to the next dream.  

If there were a definition of Auburn, that’d be it.

All my life, I wanted to be loved; more specifically, by a *gasp* boy.

And so I drooled over Aaron Carter, Rhett Akins, his son Thomas Rhett.  

And then the Ex came.  

i thought everything was going to be great, but when we finally became “official”, I set my eyes on bigger things, graduation, college, life.

And when we broke up, I was surprisingly unmoved. 

I wasn’t devastated, I just did the next right thing–submersing myself into school, which eventually ended up with finding out I would graduate early.

Scholarships! Interviews! Senior Pictures!

My goal was to get accepted.

I did, and instead of it being the happiest moment of my life; I set a new goal, moving in.

I moved in, and my goal was to survive.

I did, and here I am, already looking at grad programs, eventual jobs, and places to live after I graduate in three years.

I’m not sure how to handle it.

I’d like to say that we should all just enjoy the moment, but if we did that, we’d end up failing tests, losing jobs, and having starving children, I’m afraid.

So instead of simply “trying to enjoy the moment” I think I’m going to try to live my life in such a way that when I do go to grad school, get married, and have a job, the memories of all that’s happened up to those points make me happy and proud to reminisce.

Life goes by too fast to only have one set goal in life, I’ve learned, because you will meet your goals faster than you ever realized. 

It’s kind of a good thing to have all these crazy dreams that just build up on top of each other though, because it gives you so many more experiences. Which I am a fan of.

 

 

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–aub–