Taylor Swift Should Have Been A Psych Major

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This post was originally supposed to be about how I want to be proposed to at STUNT (another story for another day), but I was listening to Taylor Swift’s new album (y’all, I’m obsessed, and if you want a copy let me know) and it got me thinking about something else.

She has a song on this album called Out of the Woods.  The lyrics are repetitive, but the chorus really gets me.

“Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we out of the woods?
Are we in the clear yet?
Are we in the clear yet?
Are we in the clear yet?
In the clear yet, good.”

I feel like this a lot actually, but not because of school.

I feel like this in my grief. Waiting for my grandmother, me, my mom, and a multitude of other people to become less fragile following our losses feels a lot like wandering in the woods, dark and disturbing.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t walk around sobbing all the time.  In fact, I’m usually pretty happy.  It hits harder some days than others.

For a while after the First Loss, my grandfather, when I was sixteen, I was in a pretty dark place.  I often felt like having relationships wasn’t even worth the heartache, because we were all going to lose each other one day.  I was so devastated that I couldn’t imagine that relationships could ever make up for the empty hole I felt.

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I saw this quote today and wished I could show it to 16-year-old me, not that she’d listen.

I have been so rewarded by the relationships I’ve had the privilege to be a part of, at Wesleyan and beyond. And I’m realizing that even though the grief is crippling sometimes, the days like today, involving Starbucks and El Som with my best friend, make me realize that I wouldn’t trade a lifetime of happiness for the experiences I’ve had and am having.

I’ve decided being fragile for a little while is a good deal when I have a heckuva lot of beautiful memories with people I love.

So, back to T. Swift, this is in the last few lines of Out of the Woods–

“But the monsters turned out to be just trees
When the sun came up
You were looking at me”

Now i don’t know who’s gonna be looking at me, but I do think Taylor has a point.  We overestimate how long the grief is going to last, and how permanent its effects will be. (#psychmajor)

So for today, I’m gonna Shake It Off, because I know the monsters are just trees, and the sun is going to come out.

–aub–

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