Taylor Swift Should Have Been A Psych Major

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This post was originally supposed to be about how I want to be proposed to at STUNT (another story for another day), but I was listening to Taylor Swift’s new album (y’all, I’m obsessed, and if you want a copy let me know) and it got me thinking about something else.

She has a song on this album called Out of the Woods.  The lyrics are repetitive, but the chorus really gets me.

“Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we out of the woods?
Are we in the clear yet?
Are we in the clear yet?
Are we in the clear yet?
In the clear yet, good.”

I feel like this a lot actually, but not because of school.

I feel like this in my grief. Waiting for my grandmother, me, my mom, and a multitude of other people to become less fragile following our losses feels a lot like wandering in the woods, dark and disturbing.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t walk around sobbing all the time.  In fact, I’m usually pretty happy.  It hits harder some days than others.

For a while after the First Loss, my grandfather, when I was sixteen, I was in a pretty dark place.  I often felt like having relationships wasn’t even worth the heartache, because we were all going to lose each other one day.  I was so devastated that I couldn’t imagine that relationships could ever make up for the empty hole I felt.

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I saw this quote today and wished I could show it to 16-year-old me, not that she’d listen.

I have been so rewarded by the relationships I’ve had the privilege to be a part of, at Wesleyan and beyond. And I’m realizing that even though the grief is crippling sometimes, the days like today, involving Starbucks and El Som with my best friend, make me realize that I wouldn’t trade a lifetime of happiness for the experiences I’ve had and am having.

I’ve decided being fragile for a little while is a good deal when I have a heckuva lot of beautiful memories with people I love.

So, back to T. Swift, this is in the last few lines of Out of the Woods–

“But the monsters turned out to be just trees
When the sun came up
You were looking at me”

Now i don’t know who’s gonna be looking at me, but I do think Taylor has a point.  We overestimate how long the grief is going to last, and how permanent its effects will be. (#psychmajor)

So for today, I’m gonna Shake It Off, because I know the monsters are just trees, and the sun is going to come out.

–aub–

Sisterhood That Spans The Generations

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So today was pretty much the greatest.

It started off like any other Friday, I woke up, went to breakfast, and then went to class.

After class, I was thinking about sisterhood, and all the things that make Wesleyan worth it. And then it hit me, the President of our college knows my name! She waves at me when she sees me and doesn’t scurry off like Presidents of larger, busier colleges might.

Thinking of the Queen, I realized my true goal in life–to take a selfie with President Knox.

Being that I’m of the social networking generation, I immediately posted my goal on Facebook.

And then what do you know, because of sisterhood connections, my goal was achieved! 😉

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Yall. For the love.
We laughed at the fact that we had to take at least ten pictures to make sure our hair looked okay (as if hers is ever anything but flawless!).

I’ve had a lot of people recently ask me why I chose Wesleyan over a bigger school.

Things like taking a selfie with the President don’t happen at UGA or Mercer. Because of the sisterhood, and extremely involved alumnae, Wesleyan is more than a college–it’s a family!

-aub-

The One in Which I Return

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Well, y’all.

I’m back.

This semester has definitely been the hardest so far, academically.  I have been so overwhelmed that anytime I’ve wanted to blog, I’ve remembered something else that I needed to do for class.  Today, I have stuff to do, but I’m ignoring it cause I’ve missed y’all. 😉

Tonight, I will be doing the Word from the Word at Chapel tonight. This is where someone picks a verse that has a direct application for their life.  A lot of the time they are comforting verses that apply to us as college student.

This morning, I’ve been looking, trying to decide what verse I wanted to use. I looked up Ecclesiastes 3 because I have had that recited to me so many times over the years when things were happening that I didn’t like–“There’s a time for all things!”

Today, I kept reading though. And I found a verse that speaks to me so much in the midst of the chaos of being a double-major sophomore that wants to be involved in everything.


Ecclesiastes 3:9-13: “But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I’ve had a good look at what God has given us to do–busywork, mostly.   True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time–but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he’s coming or going.  I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life.  That’s it–eat, drink, and make the most of your job.  It’s God’s gift.”


Y’all, I’m not even gonna lie.

I’ve been struggling.

I have friends and family who talk about God being so present and visible in their lives, and I’ve felt a little abandoned.

But something in this verse makes it all okay.

The fact that I’m not supposed to know what comes next.

I’m supposed to feel in the dark.

I’m supposed to go day by day, just eating, drinking, and making the most of my job.

That brings me much relief.

I’m the kind of person that craves knowledge. I always want to know what is going to come next.

But this is saying that it’s okay that I don’t know what’s coming next.

Grace.

–aub–