I’d Like to Know You For A Long Time

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This week is a particularly hard one. 

Yesterday, in addition to being Little Bro’s birthday (7?! What?! I’m not old enough for this!) was the first anniversary of my grandmother getting to where she was going, in the words of Dolly Parton and Brad Paisley.

It’s been hard to be away from my family for all this. 

And then today, in the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru, there was a blue F150 in line behind me. 

Looked just like my dad’s.

I literally had to look twice, my first thought was, “Oh, I wonder if that’s him”

and then

“oh. wait. never mind.”

and then the tears.

 

I’m sure the guy taking my money was very intrigued.

I immediately craved Fort Valley. 

I wanted to be with my big brother and cry.

Unfortunately, we live in separate states, and life prevents both of us from just getting in the car and driving to the other one.

 

The hardest part, to me, is not knowing the relationship we could have had.

I don’t remember any of the bad stuff anymore.

Just the times we had tea parties, he painted my nails, and we drove around the peach orchards and went swimming.

Then, the hard times came, and we “grew apart” I guess?

 

Everyone always said that we’d grow back together, and we have, just not in the way I would’ve liked.

 

Death is not my preferred way of strengthening a relationship.

 

Today, after I posted my CFA breakdown on Facebook, I was amazed.

My favorite thing about Wesleyan is the stuff like what happened today that happens.

One of Mama’s classmates, a Perfect Purple Knight of ’90 commented offering me grace and love.

That’s what real sisterhood is about. 

I can’t wait to offer advice and grace to future Pirates, PKs, GKs, and Hearts. 

I found out yesterday that I am an Orientation Leader this year. 

I was so excited. 

I get to hang out and be a support to PKs of 2018. 

Wesleyan, I’d like to know you for a long time. You make me a better person.

–aub–

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4 thoughts on “I’d Like to Know You For A Long Time

  1. Terri

    And you make Wesleyan a better place. 🙂 What a gift it is for you to share this special time and place with your mama, and by extension, with us. I am so thankful that Facebook has enabled me to reconnect with so many of my Wesleyan sisters, especially since I lived away from GA for the first decade after graduation. You will get through this time of mourning, just take all the time you need. This sounds crazy, I know, but one of the blessings of sustaining such a huge loss is that you will be able to help others through when they lose a parent. That is small comfort to you now, but one day you will know what I mean and believe it or not, it will help you to heal. Just think… Your mom lost her mama almost 5 years to the day after I lost mine. I was able to talk to her about getting through that, and then just a few months later she was able to help me get through losing my dad. I feel like we share a precious bond — wish more than anything that ALL of our parents were still here with us, but thank God I have my friends who do know what it’s like. Love to you, sweet girl. ❤

      • Terri

        I forgot to mention … I totally hear you on the sibling relationship thing. My brother and I are much closer now after going through the past 8 months together. And when Mom was sick, my relationship with my dad changed dramatically. We used to butt heads a lot (I’m wired a lot like he was, and definitely inherited his Italian temper), but we didn’t have a single argument in the 5 years after she died. I think we both mellowed a bit, and going through that loss made us both realize that life is too short to waste time being ticked off at each other over stupid stuff. 🙂

      • Will and I never really grew up together, were 9 years apart and have different moms, but he was always the first one I called to share news or call for help. He has been a really good father figure for me, and especially since our dad died we’ve both changed, and become closer. My favorite memory will always be clinging to him at the funeral. It was so sad, but I loved t because I knew I wasn’t alone.

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