Loss, Auburn Tigers, and Birthdays


Sorry I haven’t posted in forever.

There’s been a lot going on, and maybe by the end of this post, you’ll forgive me.

I will never understand why people die.

Especially at 68, 67, and would’ve turned 52 today.

You see, on November 13, 2013, I lost my dad.

By no means did we have a perfect relationship.

We were close, but not in a traditional way.

We could have left things in a terrible way, and then the next time we saw each other pick up like nothing had ever happened.

Through his death, I learned several things.

First, when you are at someone’s deathbed, you forget about everything they ever did to hurt you, and all you remember are the good times.

Like my dad, who had tea parties with me, painted my toenails, and reassured me that the ghosts I was seeing in his house were friendly.

dees reading

One of my favorite memories. We spent many an afternoon curled up with a book. I was definitely lucky to get parents who would sit down and read to me.

Next, I have learned that life is not a fairy tale.  Just because I have an evil step monster, does not mean that I will be avenged in the end.  Sometimes, unfortunately, bad wins over good.  I believe my dad knew this better than anyone, but continued to embrace life by going snorkeling, skydiving, and other things I would never attempt.

I have also been reminded of the fabulous community I am surrounded by.

Best friends who will text you while they’re in class because they are worried about you.

And best friends and their family that take you to Waffle House after funerals.

Second Mommas that let you stay at their house, or come by on the way home from Fort Valley.

Sweet friends/coworkers who bring you nice chocolate in a Bare Bulb cup.

Cousins that constantly check to make sure you’re okay.

Godparents who are willing to take down step monsters for you.

Brothers that will find you when you’re upset and grab onto you and won’t let go.

Family. That one speaks for itself.

Even though it's been 17 years since this picture was taken, when people mention my family, this is my first thought.  The first people I ever knew.

Even though it’s been 17 years since this picture was taken, when people mention my family, this is my first thought. The first people I ever knew.

Looking at these pictures, it’s hard to believe that that’s the man that I watched for so many years be strong, that succumbed to weakness in that hospital.

I am so privileged to have been (with my brother) the last person to see him conscious.

He couldn’t speak to us, because of the ventilator, but I could read in his eyes.

He was relieved to see us there, and that is a precious gift.

So today, on what is to the outside world Pearl Harbor day, I ate a piece of birthday cake to celebrate the life of the man who made my life possible.  We had our issues, but I always knew that if I needed something, he’d have been there in a heartbeat.

He is the only man I have ever known that has never made a comment about my weight and never made a comment about me personally being insufficient for being a girl. That’s a gift that he never knew he gave me.

Daddy, I miss you.

I wish you were here to see your sweet nieces.

I wish you were here to celebrate my success in college with.

I wish you were here for your momma.

She misses you.

We all do.

Thanks for everything you did for me, Will, and the rest of the family.

And we all know that Auburn won the SEC Championship just for you. 😉

War Eagle!




6 thoughts on “Loss, Auburn Tigers, and Birthdays

  1. Melita Cantey

    Auburn, My mother always tells me Blood is thicker than water. Loved ones may turn there backs on one another, but when the going gets tough, you look down the line at the joined hands and they are all there fighting with you to the end.. Billy never quit loving you and Will at times he was not allowed to show it. In the end love conquers all and now you can talk to him anytime you get ready to and NO ONE can stop that. I know that it is not the same, but just be still and feel your dads presence. Mr. Bill and I love you sweetie, and would love for you to come and spend some time with us here in Alabama. Who knows you might just get to hold a sweet angel, Emma Claire and play with someone who adore you named Ava !!!!!! Then you get 2 bonuses to play with also, Logan and Brynlee!!!! Take care of yourself.

  2. tanyadiva

    Dear Auburn,

    I commented on your posts once before (I am formerly known as anOld Wesleyanne!) but didn’t want to put my own blog up because I tend to cuss and such on mine and did not want to offend you! But I am coming out from behind the anonymity to say thank you for what you just wrote. My father died last Christmas Eve, and I never thought another Christmas could be worse but this one is because I miss him so much I don’t think I can bear it some days. I did not always see eye to eye with my father either, but I did love him.

    Everything you say about seeing someone on their deathbed is true. How fortunate you are that you realize that! Your words are helping to lighten my heart a little, and I thank you for that. We must remember the good times, I think it’s what get’s us through.

    I saw the article on you in the Wesleyan magazine that I just got, and it was a lovely piece. I may not know you, and you may not know me, but I have enjoyed reading your blog, and missed your posts. Now that I know why you took a break, please know this stranger is wishing you peace and healing during this holiday.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s