I Miss My Mama

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Today has been really, really hard.

I’ve only seen Mama for five minutes the entire time I’ve been here.
And yes, I know that there are international students here whose families live forever away, but I’m speaking for me.

Even if my feelings are dumb or wussy, they’re no less real.

I want to go home.

Even just for a day.

I’ve never gone more than two weeks without seeing my mom and living at home.

I cannot begin to tell  you how deeply my heart aches to see her.

I’ve been driving her nuts with the tears, I know.

 I know she loves me, and that this is different for her too.

I miss the Crays.

The Yoda-voices Little Man used to do at the most random times ever.

Sissy knowing exactly what to say when I felt bad.

I miss the togetherness.

The pajama days.

The days I would babysit and we’d watch every Barbie movie there ever was.

It was home.

And now, being here is a completely different experience–not a bad one by any means–but I crave my family. (We’re a very close-knit, not open to outsiders kind of people)

This will never be home-home, but for now, it’s where I am.

And just so you all know what kind of mother ‘Dre is, she sent me this tonight when I told her I felt bad.

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2 thoughts on “I Miss My Mama

  1. Oh, baby. This is just a hard time. You are right about feelings–you have every right to them without having to justify whether they stack up against any other measures. The other thing about feelings is that they pass. You’re not going to feel like this forever. It’s going to stink for a while, but you’re going to be OK.

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